you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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