is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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