Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
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You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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