I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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