i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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