The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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