finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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