There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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