Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I want to have your abortion
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize