Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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