Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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