What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
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when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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