Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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