So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
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If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
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Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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