too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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