i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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