I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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