chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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