By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize