sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
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Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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