he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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