I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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