Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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