There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
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his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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