btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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