really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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