8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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