And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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