I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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