I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
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It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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