Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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