thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize