I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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