is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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