Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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