I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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