she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
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My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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