Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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