Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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