He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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