he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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