i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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