i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize