I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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