If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize