brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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