If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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