is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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