you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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