I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
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Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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